Kingmaker: The Path of Destiny Chapter 6 exert

(Here is a little taste of my 'Neverwinter Nights: Kingmaker' fan fiction written over two years ago, and tweaked a few times since then. This is a scene that's pretty much self explanitory. It involves the druid nymph Kaidala and my original character the ranger gnoll Steve. For those who don't know, gnolls are creatures who look like hyenas walking upright. But it'll give you a sense of my writing style, at least what it used to be like two years ago.

Disclaimer: I do not own Neverwinter Nights, Kingmaker or any of its characters. By publishing this work, I'm not making any money what-so-ever. Please don't sue. The story is my work however, and so is Steve, so no stealing.

Been a while, hope that's leagally binding.

Content warning: The following story might not be safe for work. Enjoy!

Eric Rawlinson

20110110)

Something to write about...

So, since pressing forward with new or recent ideas has been falling through, I've decided to step back and take a look at some of my older/abandoned work to see if there is anything inspirational. It's not easier to look at by any means, but at least it's a different type of frustrating than from 'ugh I can't think' to 'ugh, did I really write this crap?' And I've been listening to music on YouTube, hoping to find some musical inspiration. Blind Guardian is awesome by the way.

So I've been thinking about two very different projects today, and debating the pros and cons of working on both. The first is my Neverwinter Nights: Kingmaker fan fiction, the second is the sequel to my short story Slayer and Prey, which would become a novel.

For those of you who don't know, Neverwinter Nights is an role playing computer game based on Dungeons and Dragons. I started writing a fan fiction based off a particular story in NWN called Kingmaker, a small little story that promised to be a series. Instead it was a lame one shot. So I thought I would continue writing the story as I saw it as a fan fiction. It was the first story I ever published online. Of course, it was an adult fiction, meaning there were the occasional naughty bits. They were by no means the focus of the story, but they were integral to the plot. I liked writing it, and wrote about eight chapters over the course of five years. However, after years of no comments of ratings, yet a hundred hits a week after a chapter upload, I decided that it really wasn't worth my time without feedback, so I decided to drop it and move onto other things.

It is a pity cause the story was pretty good. I liked the characters and I liked the interaction between them. Granted there were some Mary Sue characters, and more and more original character came into the mix. But it did get over a hundred hits a week. It was weird that no one would comment, even if to just say "Hey, you're work is crap, go back to grade school you immigrant." I don't really know what a troll would say, I've gotten worse though...

The cons to going back though is that the novel is fan fiction. I'd never be able to publish it and my audience would have to be purely online. Plus I don't know who exactly would read it. Neverwinter Nights is not as popular as it was, not to mention Kingmaker not being popular even when it came out. Still, it is one of those, 'if I don't get it out of my head, it will be there forever' sort of stories. Maybe we shall see.

The second project is the sequel to Slayer and Prey. Raks has and quite possibly always will be one of my more tragic heroes and in Slayer and Prey, he took a turn for the worse, becoming a malicious vampire slayer. And if some of you thought he was bad in Slayer and Prey, that's only a taste of what he might be like in Slayer and Prey 2. I just can't get it out of my head sometimes. Evey time I hear a violent beat, that makes me skin crawl or my heart pump harder, I feel myself sinking into my depression. And there, right around the corner is this novel I've yet to write. I even get chills thinking about the title.

It's weird. As much as I fear writing Slayer and Prey, it's probably out shadowed by my disappointment in myself for not having written it yet. If I seriously think about it, it's been two years, I could tell you almost everything that happens in it, I've written the characters in my head, the major scenes, who says what, I've gotten the foreshadowing and metaphor in place, I've practically written it in my head. So why hasn't it been written yet?

The truth? It kind of feels weird. It's my brainchild, my masterpiece, and I've made it something perfect in my mind. So how do I translate something in my mind to paper and make it as perfect there? What if others don't like it?

I know, I know, get over yourself Eric. But it is part of what I fear. Plus, the story is rather depressing. It's violent, none of the characters are very nice and the nice ones are the ones to die or get hurt. It's how it goes.

Not sure where I was going with any of this, but it was something to write about. Talk to you soon guys.

Peace and blessings
Eric

Courage

(This came to me last night during a conversation with Etienne. Might not make much sense now, but it has meaning to me, and I hope it will for you. Think of it as a mission statement, an extension of my goals and maybe a poem. So long as you think of it.)

My mind told me not to be afraid of my gifts. 

I never thought I could be afraid of writing. 

Maybe it's talking about something else. 

Charm? Compassion? Intelligence? Wisdom? 

My friend tells me all of these things are my gifts and we all have the capacity to be afraid of them. 

It's okay to be afraid.

We are all afraid.


But courage is not the absence of fear. It is the will to do what needs to be done.

I am so afraid to get a job. 

But I need one. 

I'm afraid to let myself be open. 

But I must. 

I'm so afraid that my work won't be accepted. 

All artists know this fear. 

But we must try. 

Or else we let down our greatest fans. 

Ourselves.

We have been given the gifts of words and vision 

And the burning desire to express.

We will be hurt

But we will succeed

We all must touch the minds and hearts of others

Whether we try to or not

It is for us to decide how we do so

And I choose to do so with wisdom and passion

And with awesome

I choose to write
To write with words of love

And metaphor

And hidden meaning

And blatant meaning

I choose to empower those I meet

And strive to enrich the soul.

With love and affirmation.

And I choose to be vunerable

And I choose not to do this alone...


Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110108

Goals

Simple ideas: What should I strive for in the coming year as a writer? So just randomly brainstorming, here's a list of goals I want to work towards:

Things I want to do this year:
Continue writing in the blog at least every other day
Get a following
Get published
Take a course in writing

Things I want to do eventually:
Write a novel
Write a film script
Write a comic book series.
Write for a webcomic
Become rich and famous (Roberts said it's important to believe it, so I shall)

Now I want to talk about some of my goals. I've never noticed how much I needed this blog until I started writing it. Sure, I want to make YouTube videos, and I've made quite a few scripts in my head that I obsess over. But with this blog, I'm a little more in my element, just writing. Sure, I'll start YouTubing again at some point. But for now I'll stick with this. Communicating with the spoken word, where every mistake is just a backspace away. I've also started to put the every other day rule on. When you want to continue to do something, it's good to be consistent.

Getting a following on the blog may be more of a challenge, since I know I'm being read by more than just the people in my following list. I'm not sure how to say, HEY EVERYONE! GET EVERYONE YOU KNOW TO READ MY BLOG! Hmm, maybe I do it just like that....

Getting published. I'm not sure what I'm looking forward to more: getting published or getting rejected. All of my writer friends have been rejected by now, and so many famous writers have said how many times they've been rejected until finally someone believed in them. I'm kind of actually looking forward to someone saying 'you suck'. Sure, it'll be heartbreaking, but this isn't getting into university. I know plenty of people who said my work is good, so my ego could take a bit of a hit. Still, I'd love to get printed. I still haven't heard from the writing contest, but looking at past winners, I'm not sure my material is what they're looking for. Still, never hurts.

Taking a writing course. There is a nice one at Humber College, that's just taught by a writer and its basically a glorified writing circle that costs half a grand. Still, it'll be nice to hear the experiences and opinions of a published writer and interact with a group of individuals who share my talents. Even if I go and learn that they're all just prudes and snobs (which I doubt as much as I believe), it'll be an experience none the less. There are some things I would definitely like to learn. One of them is how to write scripts. Scripts for comic books and scripts for films.

Writing a web comic or comic book series. So, I've got a lot of ideas for web comics, mainly video game satire and semi-autobiographical material. The question becomes if I can find an artist willing to take my poor excuses for scripts and actually make it. Or if I can make poor excuses for scripts to begin with. You never know

So those are some of my goals. Have a few things to think about. In the mean time, I'm going to keep writing. Peace and blessings.

Eric Rawlinson
20110106

What to write?

It's been two days since I've posted something, so I think I should just get down and post something. Not that I haven't tried to write anything, but for the past couple of days, my mind has been a mess. Video games, sickness, anxiety and depression have all been hitting me so hard. My anxiety tells me I'm spiraling back, but that just might be my tiredness. Bah. What this isn't going to become is one of my old Livejournal entries where I nonsensically rant about my depression and anxieties or anything. This is a blog showcasing my work and my inspiration. So I want to think about this as a learning experience.

Okay, so what have I learned in the last few days. Video games are bad for my writing. Okay, I've always known that, but now I can make it a point to hit that home. What do I enjoy more, the accomplishment of writing or the mindlessness of video games. Looking back on last year, I honestly have to say it's the writing. Writing has actually helped me out, I've met people, I can feel good about myself for accomplishing something and I can actually feel empowered about my skills. Video games is just mindless, and I've learned that most of my problems in the past have come from the fact that I was, and still in some ways, very mindless. I never paid attention to anything in my life and becoming self aware has helped me a lot. Video games distract me from the now and just put me into a very bad state of mind. So, I must some how get rid of the video games. With my sister buying new ones is not going to help. But it must be done.

Once again, I've hit a slump in my writing. Overall, I feel I'm ready for the next step in my writing journey, which is to hunker down and actually write a novel. But now that I'm thinking about it, is this really my next goal? Maybe I have some other goal I need to accomplish before I can move on to that one, which is why I'm having a hard time beginning. I do have many novel ideas that I can start on. I have many concept documents for dozens of novels I could write. But there seems to be something holding me back from starting. Depression? Probably, it's always been a bit of a git when it come to my creative flow. Confidence. Again probably, though I'm not sure how to help that. Is there some of other goal? Being published? Writing an essay? Maybe it's something to think about.

So in conclusion, hit the books instead of the video games and think about my goals as a writer. Hmm, maybe that's a good idea for my next journal entry.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110105

Psycho Duck's Journal: Part 3

Log 4

There really isn't enough room to sleep inside the hut, so I'm sleeping on the roof. It's a nice warm summer night, so it'll be fine. Snow White came up to visit me a little earlier and we started talking about this and that. She told me how much she appreciated all I did for her and how grateful she was. Then she started asking things like, what do I do, where do I come from, is there someone special in my life, what do I look for in women. These questions kind of creeped me out. Snow White is cute, but her story has always kind of irked me. Think about it, girl with white skin, black hair, blood coloured lips who sleeps in a coffin protected by a group of minions and waiting for a prince to come around? Seriously creepy. I politely half lied that there is someone else. She seemed a bit disheartened by this, but we talked about a couple of other things before she went to her own little bed. And I'm left wondering if I should have entertained her romantic ideas a little more.

The Formula

In the age of Hollywood, it seems that there is a lack of originality in mainstream stories. Some people have often wondered why we cannot break away from this slump of the same material repackaged over and over and why we keep going to them over and over again. Some would say that it is because there is nothing new, but they're only slightly correct. Some would say it is easier and cheaper to stick to what already sells, and of course this is completely correct, but this I'm beginning to realize is only part of the problem. I've discovered an even larger problem, that not only strikes at movies, but almost all works of fiction including books, comics, video games, TV shows and probably other mediums I'm failing to remember. I want to discuss this idea that I have on the concept I call The Formula.

In our society, we have regulated our stories, not only in content, but how long our stories can be. Our movies are two hours long, our comics fit into four issue volumes, our TV shows are between half and hour to an hour at twenty four episodes a season and songs between 3 to 5 minutes. The problem with this is that it already puts a huge restriction on writers. Instead of asking 'what kind of a story do we want to tell?' the first question becomes, 'what kind of a story can we tell with the time that we have?' Hence the formula comes into play. Since we've already restricted the time, it becomes much easier for us to become comfortable with the formulas which fit those restraints.

This is why I start these things as thoughts rather than essays. I was talking to Etienne about this and I asked him if he felt that the mainstream was restrained. He gave me some things to think about. He told me that it is true that art has so much potential to be compromised and that artist must remain true to the art. I wonder how often it's true, not for the art, but for the audience as well. How are we compromised by this formula enforced upon us? Do we reject something because we are so unfamiliar with it? Because it's a little longer or shorter, do we pass it by because we judge its worth on length or simply on convience in this world.

I'm not sure where I'm going with it. But it is my thought and I wished to share it with all of you.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110102