What to write?

It's been two days since I've posted something, so I think I should just get down and post something. Not that I haven't tried to write anything, but for the past couple of days, my mind has been a mess. Video games, sickness, anxiety and depression have all been hitting me so hard. My anxiety tells me I'm spiraling back, but that just might be my tiredness. Bah. What this isn't going to become is one of my old Livejournal entries where I nonsensically rant about my depression and anxieties or anything. This is a blog showcasing my work and my inspiration. So I want to think about this as a learning experience.

Okay, so what have I learned in the last few days. Video games are bad for my writing. Okay, I've always known that, but now I can make it a point to hit that home. What do I enjoy more, the accomplishment of writing or the mindlessness of video games. Looking back on last year, I honestly have to say it's the writing. Writing has actually helped me out, I've met people, I can feel good about myself for accomplishing something and I can actually feel empowered about my skills. Video games is just mindless, and I've learned that most of my problems in the past have come from the fact that I was, and still in some ways, very mindless. I never paid attention to anything in my life and becoming self aware has helped me a lot. Video games distract me from the now and just put me into a very bad state of mind. So, I must some how get rid of the video games. With my sister buying new ones is not going to help. But it must be done.

Once again, I've hit a slump in my writing. Overall, I feel I'm ready for the next step in my writing journey, which is to hunker down and actually write a novel. But now that I'm thinking about it, is this really my next goal? Maybe I have some other goal I need to accomplish before I can move on to that one, which is why I'm having a hard time beginning. I do have many novel ideas that I can start on. I have many concept documents for dozens of novels I could write. But there seems to be something holding me back from starting. Depression? Probably, it's always been a bit of a git when it come to my creative flow. Confidence. Again probably, though I'm not sure how to help that. Is there some of other goal? Being published? Writing an essay? Maybe it's something to think about.

So in conclusion, hit the books instead of the video games and think about my goals as a writer. Hmm, maybe that's a good idea for my next journal entry.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110105