"Mr. Gravedigger's Apprentice Book 2: The Grand Illusion" and other projects

So, looking back, I haven't been posting in my blog as often as I said I would be. But then again, as I look back at the things I said at the beginning of the year, I also said I wouldn't be writing a book this year. And seeing as I haven't been posting at least every other day and I've so far written 3 books, so much for those ideas.

I've written, or started to write, many blog post in the past month, but none of them felt good enough to publish. Some of the time I wasn't even sure what I was trying to say and I ended up second guessing myself and quitting. I've been doing that too often lately. So instead of dwelling on the projects that I've abandoned, whether temporarily or permanently, I'm going to talk about the projects that I'm working on and completing.

I have finished the first draft of a new short story. 'In the Midst of a Dream' is the story of a man with amnesia who has dreams of the event that took place just before he lost his memories. But one night, he dreams of something more. It's a fantasy part comedy, part parody along the same lines of my Glimpse through the Curtains series. It might be included with that as well.

Exciting news on graphic novel/comic/illustration front. Nicole has just finished inking the Believer short and will be here shortly to show them off to me. She's also been working on illustrations for the short stories 'Four Years', 'Slayer and Prey' and 'A Good Thing'. They're all looking very good and I can't wait to see the results.

And last, but certainly not least, the second book of the first volume of Mr. Gravedigger's Apprentice has been written. The Grand Illusion. Every time I hear about a writer who supposedly wrote the book from cover to cover, on a typewriter without mistake, I honestly laugh. The pain and heart ache that is going into this book give me a headache thinking about it, and I don't even want to think about editing it. I hate editing 12 page short stories double space, and I currently have over 100 pages of single space pages to edit once this is over. And I'm not even finished the complete volume. Sometimes I sit, uninspired at the computer, thinking to myself 'I'm not skilled enough to write this'. 'Am I doing this right?' 'Will anyone like this?' 'Am I insane?' Nothing gives me a better sense of relief than to finish a chapter and nothing kills that relief faster than knowing there's another chapter to write.

In my middle school year book: Eric Rawlinson - 8F1 Ambition: Writer. Oh boy...

I said it before and I'll say it again. If I didn't love this life so much, I'd quit. That being said, I love this life. God knows why.

So, right now I'm working on a couple of things. The first is Book 3: The Vampire King. That will be done when it gets done. Most of the ideas for chapter 20 are already down, I just have to put them altogether. Me and Nicole will work on a couple of things together and hopefully, with her illustrations, I will start putting together the anthology at last. We shall see.

I probably have more to say, but I can't think of any right now. I can't get how much I looked like Harry Potter out of my mind. Talk to you all soon

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
110714

My plans for the next few months

Well, it's been a long time since I've posted in this blog. It might be a good time to talk about some of the things that have been going on during that time, at least about my writing. Since the last post, which discusses the first five chapters of Mr. Gravedigger's Apprentice, I have completed another short story, started another one and finished another six chapters of Gravedigger. I'm currently focusing on Gravedigger at the moment, since the flow seems to be so good with a couple of other projects on the back burner.

I also have an account on figment.com! figment.com is a story sharing site, where writers may put up some of their work for everyone to see. I've posted a few of my short stories there and planning on posting more as soon as I get around to editing them to the point where I feel comfortable sharing them. The site is geared more towards teenagers I've been finding, so many of my more adult books might be unwelcome and I still have to find an outlet for those stories. In the meantime, go on and check it out.  http://figment.com/users/33809-Eric-Rawlinson. Send them love!

Other bits of exciting news, my good friend Nicole is now working on the Believer graphic novel again. It's very exciting. My friends Etienne and Nicole are both very talented illustrators and they're also looking for opportunities for gainful employment in their craft.  They both are keen on working with me on my projects and I am more than happy to do so. From illustrating my work to just encouraging my craft, I cannot thank them enough for their contributions. So I'm going to plug them to... the number of you that read my blog. Here they are:

Nicole Connors Tumblr: http://nrconnors.tumblr.com
Etienne Buxton's website: www.etiennebuxton.com

That has been the past (and maybe a bit of the future) and the title of this article does say next few months. Well, within the next few months, I plan to finish at least two thirds of Gravedigger. I'm already a third finished, so another third in three months will be no problem, if I don't have it done by this time next month. Wait, of course I will. I'm about a quarter of the way through that third now. (Wrap your heads around that math if you want.) Also I wish to and will be doing some more collaborative work with both Nicole and Etienne. Nicole will be making the Believer graphic novel a reality. And together we may be doing more than just illustration work. I also plan on getting stories together and making them into audio dramas for all of you to enjoy. I just want to figure out sound effects and such, and when I have more information I'll let you guys know. That's all I have short term plans, but I do have bigger and badder ones coming up... maybe just bigger. We shall see how it goes.

Due to lack of funds, I'm not sure if I can make it to some of the conventions I want to go to. It's sad I know, but there is one that's free and I will be there. We shall see how it goes.

Well, that's it for me and my stomach, I'll talk to you guys soon
Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
110614

Mr. Gravedigger's Apprentice: The First Five Chapters

At the beginning of the year, I claimed it wasn't the right time to start a book. Now here I am, five months later, starting off my second book this year and I must say I'm pleased as punch. And now its time to reflect a little on how well it has been going.

So, I've just finished the fifth chapter of working title Gravekeeper. If you want to get technical, I've written six chapters so far including the prologue. Each chapter averages somewhere between 2500 and 3000 words each, and if I were to write another chapter, I would have outdone my first book entirely by word count alone, and I am no where close to finishing the second book. I think the reason for this is because I'm more in my element with Gravekeeper than I was with Grandma Hannah. Where Grandma Hannah is a good story, it wasn't my style in any sense. It was first person, present tense, coming of age story. Where as Gravekeeper is a third person, past tense (with the exception of the prologue, which is present tense for effect), sci-fi master/apprentice story. I wouldn't say I'm enjoying writing Gravekeeper more than Grandma Hannah. Its just... hmm, maybe that is what I'm saying.

Overall, the story is going remarkably well. There are a few hiccup with tone, but I'm trying my best to just get the story complete. Editing something longer than anything I've ever written before if going to be an experience, but something I look forward to. Also, I must be extra careful. Yesterday I almost forgot to introduce (or reintroduce) an important character who will be needed to the third act of the story. That is what rewrites are for, but it is best to have these important aspects in the first draft.

Also, now that I have a blackberry, I have a little bit more freedom with where and when I can write. The keyboard is a little small for me to type on as quickly as a regular keyboard, but at least I can email myself small important notes as I think them up. Also, I can save my files on my blackberry and jack into computers to work from there. Just need to remember to back them up onto my harddrive sometimes.

Anyway, I think that's enough for now. I'm looking for things to post to my blog in order to keep interest. My interest more than others. I'm sure I'll find something, maybe some old work or random poetry I come upon or write. We shall soon see.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
110524

Stories From My Past

Taking a break from writing the fifth chapter of my new book, I decided it would be best to clean up my computer's hard drive and back up my old documents. My process has been to just copy and past my entire documents to my external hard drive, but today I decided to do it differently. As my computer is starting to slowly die, even opening a word processing program becomes a strain on its memory. So I decided that I would transfer some of the old folders and simply delete them off of my computer entirely. That would make future backups much simpler.

So I began to do so, noting which of the file folders were larger with very limited success and discovering a large amount of music I can no longer listen to because the stupid licenses were expired three computers ago. And of course, being a writer, I discovered a large amounts of old projects. Some of these stories dated back to over decade ago and I amused myself by reading a few of them. And wouldn't you know it, I've gotten a lot better over the years.

Let me pick out a few for you as a couple of examples. The earliest story I chose was title "Don't Read (Until You Are Ready)". As far as I can tell, I'm not sure anyone would be ready for the atrocity in store for them, but I digress. The story, I think, is about a group of children who were genetically modified at birth so that they could form a resistance to... something. I'm guessing a force of pure evil, but I'm only guessing at the moment. Its a sci-fi action story, if you wish to be polite, and it is very unintentionally hilarious. Back then, I thought I was writing the greatest novel ever. You may give me credit, I was twelve years old.

The next story I scanned was a story called 'Raks and the Nightstalker'. For those of you who know, Raks is one of my characters whose name I use often. Early in his time, Raks was an immortal dark sorcerer who's powers made Superman look like a wimp. This story, as the first line of text describes, is "Raks' first adventure after he escaped from Hell'. In a revised edition I discovered, this line was changed to 'Raks' first story after he escaped from The Dark Land'. However, I failed to revise the name Satan, so there was very little point. The story describes the warlock as he is sucked into the first battle with his arch nemesis, the Nightstalker and meets his love interest, Miranda. It honestly isn't as exciting as it sounds. The story itself is dialogued based. Literally. Every single line and paragraph, with very rare exceptions, is talking. And I thought my first book was bad. The story was supposed to be an epic, spanning thousands of years of conflict, love, loss, betrayal and so on and so forth. Long story short, I wrote it in my head, learned from it, forgot most of it then moved on. Next story.

The next story skips about six years. I use openoffice, because Microsoft Word is a pain in the ass. Though I did use it to write two chapters of my next book and found it tolerable once I got the hang of it. Moving on. One of the stories I recognized the name, but openoffice insisted it was corrupted. So I opened it with MS Word. I couldn't even copy and paste it out, that's how hard ass MS Word without a key is, but I was at least able to read it. The story was called, the Legend. About... three years ago, I planned another space opera like story. It was going to center around Raks, a powerful mage whose magic was based on technology and his rise and fall from power. I started to write down concepts not only of the story but of the universe and from that came the Legend. The Legend takes place in a brothel on an entertainment planet and follows Loch, a boy hired as a gopher for the 'entertainers' who work there. I never got much into the story, back then I never ever finished a project, but what I wrote down still makes me think. The main bits I wrote down was a legend that explained human conflict and sexuality and my own feelings about love and romance. Or at least back then. Some of what I wrote I feel conflicted about now, but I understood where it was coming from. Again, like more of my concepts if you were to sit down and read them, it is mostly dialogue, question and answer sort of thing. But a more interesting read than Nightstalker.

Looking back on all that I've written, what I can remember and what I have reread, I feel more confident about my writers journey. And as I look forward to publishing my antthology and completing my second book, I wonder if I myself will look back in twelve years back at what I have written at this time. Perhaps I will even look back at this blog. I wonder what I will think then.

The work waits and I must continue to write my next masterpiece. Or maybe my unintentional hilarity in twelve years. I'll catch up with you all soon.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
110523

Alien Man and Dragon Bard Collaboration

I have exciting, earth changing news. Well, exciting news! Okay, news! My very good friend, teacher and soul brother, Etienne Buxton, aka Alien man and I have started a series of projects together. Me and Etienne have wanted to work together for some time and was waiting for the perfect project to collaborate on. In fact, we waited for so long, there came not one, but three projects. So what could we do besides work on them together?

I of course, am really excited at the idea of working with another artist. The first project is one that we've been discussing for some time. Literally. I have been collecting, with Etienne's permission, most of our conversations off of Facebook messenger and he plans to take some of the better times and illustrate them. Sounds strange, but I think it would be very interesting. Also, he will be illustrating my second graphic piece, a sort of spiritual successor to one of the Glimpse through the Curtains short stories Believer called Epilogue. I still haven't finished the story completely, which is bad considering he's started to paint... but I think it will work out.

Also, I've started to write stories based directly on Etienne's own stories, art philosophy and style, with his permission, and giving to him to do as he sees fit.

For more about Etienne Buxton, the man, the Doc and the Alien Man, visit his website at www.etiennebuxton.com. He's an illustrator and always looking for employment and oppurtunity to use his impressive skill and spread his love for his craft.

As for me, I have to finish Epilogue before Etienne catches up and remember not to close the browser before I copy the convo. Catch you guys soon!

Speaking of websites, I've started a new YouTube channel. The user name is TheDragonBard. Right at the moment, I'm just talking about going to visit my girlfriend, but that'll change quickly, I promise. Maybe.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
110503

The Gravekeeper's Apprentice

I've just finished the first draft of the first chapter of my next book. I'm calling it 'The Gravekeeper's Apprentice'. The story is set in a world where most of the dead are buried in a massive graveyard, where ghosts, skeletons and zombies roam. And watching over all of them is the Gravekeeper. I started working on this story about a year ago as a little joke, after seeing all the cool steam-punk cosplayers at FanExpo. I thought about what my own steam punk character would look like and it slowly turned into a bit of a story.

So far, the story is about the struggle between tradition and change and how it affects everyone with a certain viewpoint. And its a battle between the informed and the ignorant. And of course, it'll have elements of the mater and apprentice as well. Oh, you want to know the plot? Well, that I'm keeping to my chest for the next little bit. I'm sharing the story with a few people for encouragement and editorial support, but I don't want to reveal to much about it until I at least have book one finished. Oh yes, I have concepts for about three mini stories, but the whole work will be published in one volume. Alright, here's a bit of a hint. I've already named the first three books. The first book will be called First Night. The second will be called Carnival. The third book will be called Vampire. Not much of a hint, I guess, but we'll see how it goes.

I'll keep you all posted on this project, now that I've found some steam for it. I'll report back soon.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
110428

Outdated

Recently I've been reading the book Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein and I was enjoying it. However, I had to stop reading it, all because of an underlining theme that just got worse and worse as the book progressed. It wasn't the religious undertones, which was the reason I stopped reading it the second time I tried to read it. In fact, I quite enjoyed that section now that I am a little more secure about my beliefs.

No, the problem I had with the book was the amount of sexism in it. Every male in this book, apart from the protagonist Smith, is a sexist chauvinist and its driving me nuts. If this wasn't enough, all of the women practically fall under terrible female stereotypes. Flirty, have sex at the drop of the hat, there for men to be stared at. They're all intelligent yes, but each of them is in one form or another rather degraded. And it just completely turned me off. I found myself reading through it after two thirds of the way in, desperately looking for something to validate me continuing to read. But by the time I reached the blatant homophobia, I had to put it down.

Its too bad, I was really enjoying the story and how it progressed. But it just became too much. Much like many other books I've been reading. For a few months I was reading the 007 books and enjoying them for the trash that they were. My absolute favorite was Dr. No, with the maze and the squid and killing people with a sand blaster. Spoiler: Bond survives, kills the villain and sleeps with the girl.

But I had to stop reading the series after Goldfinger. The whole thing just became too much. If you've ever read anything by Ian Flemming, you can tell that the man is sexist, racist, homophobic and... well probably intolerant of quite a few things that people should be more tolerant of. But in Goldfinger, he does something that is completely unforgivable. Pussy Galore. Even the name is horrid. This characters sole existence in this book is a homophobic statement. She's the head of a group of lesbian cat burglars, hired by Goldfinger to pretend to be nurses during their scheme. James meets her, then he broods about homosexuals. Basically he sits, spews nonsense about them, then comes to the conclusion that homosexuals are sick.

So what does Pussy Galore actually do in the book. Get this: Not much. She pretends to be a nurse, which amounts to being pointless. She's on the plane when Goldfinger holds Bond hostage, but she does little to help him escape other than to wink. Then when he does escape, she sleep with him. "Because I never met a real man like you, James". I thought wanting to barf was only a saying.

So I gave up on James Bond as well. I'm not ashamed of reading them, nor do I regret it. I learned a lot from them. But I will never do it again. Stranger in a Strange Land I've given up for now, but maybe I will try again when I'm more tolerant of intorlerance.

Not sure where I'm going with this, as usual, but I think I will leave you with hope. I started reading a novel of one of my favorite characters, Nero Wolfe. It was a story involving racial rights, during the fifties. I was worried I would ditch one of my favorite characters in this one, especially Archie Goodwin. Goodwin is known to be a womanizer and a bit sexist, but the books are written in such a way that Goodwin often comes across as flawed rather than a super man. But I wondered how he would handle race. But then came the most brilliant line ever. Archie was thinking about racisim and he narrated: "If I need to feel superior to someone, and I often do, I need a better reason than the color of his skin"

Did you ever have to stop reading a good book because of one aspect? I stopped reading the Sookie Stackhouse books because of the Fellowship of the Sun. How about you?

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
110426

Storytelling

So I had an interesting couple of days. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed with the amount of activity the past week and a bit and I felt mentally and physically exhausted. But I was bored. So instead of spending the evening watching Batman, I decided to get off my butt and actually do something for the evening and went out to one of the events on Facebook. My friend was surprised I showed up, seeing as I told him the day before I wouldn't be, but was pleased none the less. It was a small group, around ten young adults and a senior. We played a couple of board games, but mostly we just talked.

One of the things we talked about was story telling and me being a writer talked about some of the stories I know. As it happened, the service the next day was on the subject of story telling and its importance in theology in Unitarianism. And the speaker was actually at the table with us. And when I said I knew a couple of stories, she invited me to tell a story. At first I was hesitant. I love telling stories, especially in front of a large group. But it had been so long and the group would be entirely new to me. So I said I would think about it. I more like obsessed over it the rest of the evening and the next morning. And so, having woken up with ample time to eat, bathe and obsess some more, I decided to go. And, sure enough, she invited me again. And after a moment's hesitation, I accepted.

I was nervous as hell, but I discovered that the hardest part of story telling is starting. Once you start, you can keep on going on and on and on. Coming up with what I wanted to say was easy. I introduced myself as a writer and a story teller and I said a few words about how storytelling was important to me. How it could be used as a learning tool as well as a way to explain this world. But I skipped the most important reason why I love storytelling. I love story telling because I love to tell stories. I'm pretty good at it, if I'm in the right mood. And so I began my story. I got a few laughs as I told the Just So story of how Camel got his hump. And I got applause from the audience. George Burns is right. There is no greater feeling in the world than the sounds of laughter and applause.

I spoke with many lovely people after the service, who all told me I performed so well, and asked me if I was a member of a storytelling or story writing guild. Now there's a good ideas. I've been doing about twenty minutes of research and come across nothing. I missed the story telling festival in Toronto completely. So it goes. But I will keep looking, it sounds like an organization I would like to join.

In the mean time, I feel more and more that I have found my place in writing and story telling and I will continue to pursue this life.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110417

What I've been reading

One of the things that I've always got conflicting advice about as a writer is how much I should be reading. Some books I've been reading says I should be reading all of the time. Another book says I shouldn't be reading while I'm writing. This bit of advice never made sense, because I'm ALWAYS writing, so I should never read? Another book flat out accused me that because I was reading a book on how to write, I wasn't reading anything at all. Which is very rude and unfortunately very true.

I understand the advice about not reading and writing at the same time. There is the danger of writing in the same style as the book you're reading, but honestly, I've never had that problem with reading and writing. For me, the danger has been playing video games and writing, since the video game pulls me into its addictive qualities and distracts my mind from my work until it doesn't function properly.

But this is beyond the point. I believe we should read. It's better for our minds and we can see what other writers are up to. That being said, I've been reading some pretty tame books recently. I've become a huge fan of Rex Stout and the Nero Wolfe books and over the past few months I have pretty much read about six or seven Nero Wolfe books. They're pretty fun, but they're not what you would consider great works of literature. But I've never been too much of a fan of what people call 'great literature'. As I mature and become older and wiser, I've noticed I'm enjoying more than I thought I would.

Recently, I've been completely engrossed by Hienlein's Stranger in a Strange Land, a book that reading has been hazardous to my health on more than one occasion. It sure makes riding the subway a lot quicker though. I'm really getting into the book a lot. Its pretty good, the philosophy is pretty solid, but does every male character have to be a misogynist? I understand it can happen, but it's like all the sexual violence in Brent Weeks' Shadow's Edge. We get it, but does it have to be in every scene? Actually, there's a huge difference between Stranger in a Strange Land and Shadow's Edge. Stranger is better paced and the main characters are likable.

The 100 books from the BBC list is going around again and I've recently scored 18 (when I found our 'Northern Lights' was The Golden Compass. Seriously, The Golden Compass is my favorite book of all time, I've never heard it referred to as Northern Lights. Ever). I've been looking over the list and wondering if I will ever read all of them. I can say, without a hint out doubt, that I doubt it. Some of them are Jane Austin, who I've tried to read on some occasions when my sister started to read them. I could never get through them. But I have read about a fifth of them and I am so young still. But not before I've read every single Nero Wolfe story.

What have you been reading? Next on my list appears to be Nineteen Eighty Four.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110414

Dinner Parties

"If you held a dinner party, and could invite anyone, fact or fiction, who ever existed, who would you invite?"

This question was put to me a while ago and I started to compile names. But then I came to an interesting conclusion. If it were possible to invite anyone to my party, then I should be able to be invited to theres. That would be far more interesting for me. If I had a party with Nero Wolfe, Darth Vader and the Duke of Wellington, that wouldn't be very fun for them. But if I were to be invited to go to Freedom Hall to meet Harshaw and a streak? Now that would be awesome! In fact, I'd make a day of it!

I think I'd start with breakfast at Gormenghast, where the food is exquisite and the company is eccentric. Then lunch with Darth Vader in Empire Strikes Back. I always wanted to know what was discussed and what was served. And of course, tea at the Mad Tea Party, I couldn't pass that up. And Dinner at Wolfe's, with the company of a genius to pass the time. And round it all off with a drink at Valhalla and sing a warriors song.

So my question to you is, if you could have a meal anywhere, fact or fiction, whenever wherever, where would it be?

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110409

The Alien Man Love Poem

Alien Man, Alien Man
What do you see?
Alien Man, Alien Man
Where would you be?
Alien Man, Alien Man
If you were free?
Alien Man, Alien Man
Would you see me?

(Alien Man created by Etienne Buxton http://www.etiennebuxton.com)
Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110407

First Chapter Theater: Surt's Forge

(Welcome to a new section of the blog: First Chapter Theater. This is where I show case the first chapters of books I've started and either are on hold or long forgotten. This month on First Chapter Theater I present the first chapter of Surt's Forge. I started writing Surt's Forge over 13 years ago and I have never gotten past the first six chapters. I might get back to it some day, but for now, here is the first chapter as last written three years ago (and slightly altered today) for everyone to see.

Enjoy!
Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110405)

Promises and Results

My friend Lezley gave me some advice about how to handle this blog and writing in general. Don't make promises, just give results. Or something like that. She probably remembers the exact wording better than I. And as a result, I haven't been making to many lofty promises except to one person, myself. And while I do believe in this mantra of sorts, there are a few promises that I've made that have helped me to get back on the horse recently.

It always surprises me when complete strangers like my work. I've been showing off my work for a while now, but mostly it has been to friends and family and sometimes I wonder if they're just smiling and nodding and patting my head when it comes to writing. I know they aren't of course, because I trust them, but also because of all of the reaction I've been getting to my work as it begins to spread. I was at my friend Etienne's house and I had an entire dinner table rapt with my writing ideas. Rapt may not be the best word, but I'm marketing myself here. Entralled! Heh. I pitched to them some of my work that I've done and yes, even some work I haven't even started. They seemed to like my ideas and they all said they'd read them. That's always a nice feeling. Now I actually have to write them.

Speaking of Etienne, there's another promise that I've made, but one I fully intend to keep. Etienne is an artist and a fantastic one at that. And he's a fan of me and I'm a fan of him and we totally want to work together on something. And I'm sure we will soon. I've been telling him my dreams, which isn't so much a promise as it is a goal I don't know how to obtain right at the moment. I told him how I want to write comics and make short films of my work and he thought it would be an awesome idea. I completely agree with him too. As soon as I can figure out how to do it, I will make it a reality. Oops, a promise. Well, it's a dream.

As for promises, I'm still waiting on my editors to get back to me so I can finally complete A Glimpse Through The Curtains. It's practically clean up time for the majority of them, nothing major anymore. But it still needs to be done. I still need to figure out the plan for how I'm going to distribute them. I'll be looking into magazines soon, but honestly, I still want to self publish.

Anyway, that's enough for me now. It's a result to get a blog post out and now hopefully more will be on the way as I begin to write Secretary more. Keep you posted.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110328

Writing Fan Fiction

For the last week and a bit, I've been writing fan fiction. It makes me realize how much I've missed writing it. I love to write fan fiction. I've been writing fan fiction long before I even knew there was such a thing. It's really how I got started writing. I would take other peoples characters and put them into other peoples situations to make something unique. Okay, blatantly plagiaristic. Hey, I was between the ages of five and twelve. I didn't know anything about copyright infringement. At least until I got zero on my report in grade 3 for copying out the book. Its how my imagination began to blossom. For years, my main focus had been on Commander Keen and inventing new adventures, characters, enemies for him. He had a bat cave and a mermaid girlfriend and everything. Looking back on it now, it was kind of silly while being really really cool.

I guess I'd still be writing the same way if it hadn't been for my Uncle Ed. He asked me why don't I create something for myself. And like that, my life was changed forever. He and I created something unique. Or at least less blatantly plagiaristic. We created a metal being, whose planet was destroyed by human miners, who kills the humans on his world and heads for earth for revenge, only to be sent back in time to Earth before the miners left and he has to stop them for even going. As I came up with ideas, my uncle would write down one word themes. Little did I know, this would be my first introduction to plot elements and construction.

Since that day, I still stole other peoples situations and gadgets and ships and planet names, but I started to develop my own characters and way of writing. And as I went along, I got better and better and soon my work could stand alone as its own two feet as an original work. But I still love to do fan fiction.

To me, fan fiction is an art form of its own. Its a challenge to see how well you know the characters. Not necessarily their past story and every little detail about them. But the general idea of them. What are they like? How would they react? What would they do? And that's what I play around with in my fan fiction. And most of all, try to have fun with it. If you're not having fun with it, why even bother?

The first story I ever published on the internet was a fan fiction. An adult fan fiction to be precise. That is a fan fiction that involves adult situations. It was a short little tale based off of the video game Neverwinter Nights. A short tale that became an epic novel filled with fantasy and sex. And one that broke off from its video game fan fiction roots and took on a lot of its own creation. Which makes it harder to write. While I wanted to write this novel with all its wonderful characters, I had to remember half of them were not mine. And I couldn't change the characters that weren't mine to be mine because it wouldn't be fair to the work. Its a fan fiction and a sequel to the game. Plus, I never ever got feed back. A hundred hits a week, but no feed back. It just do well for my self esteem. So I stopped posting them. But I still write them once and a while.

So for now, I'll write them privately and work on my book. But fan fiction will always hold a place in my heart.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110325

Bleak World

(Warning: Morbid)

I see a faded old sign, on a dusty old street as I walk aimlessly to I know not where. The sign welcomes me to Bleak World. I know this place well. I once lived here. All the colours are off, the people are mere shapes and the national anthem is a skipping rhyme sung off key.

I walk the streets filled with houses fallen to disrepair, but people live there unnoticed and uncaring. They don't speak, and when they do they speak in a strange font that chills me to the bone with its aggressive friendliness. They speak only in promises and play little games in the dark. I move on.

Terrible things happened in Bleak World, but it was a long time ago. No one speaks of it, but it echoes off the walls like a memory that no one can forget. The ashes of every fire that ever burned littered the ground and burns the nostrils of anyone who stays close. And still, I move on.

It is always Autumn in Bleak World. The trees have let their leaves fall to the ground to rot and everything seems to be waiting to die. No birds are around save for the black birds that wait for the food to be ready. In many ways, these birds are the only friends I trust here.

The graveyard is large and mostly unkempt and the cemetery gate opens and closes to the wind who is the only visitor. It happily opens to me with the same squeak it gives the wind and slams behind me with the next gust. I am assaulted by the names of the past and I know them all so well. Some of the graves are nameless, but I know who lies there. There are not who I've come to see.

There I am. My grave stands tall, reminding me that I lived here once, in this cold dark world where nothing tasted good, where no colours but brown existed. And I read the epitaph with a triumphant nod. I took it from a poem that I hate, but it is a line that is most fitting.

“Do not stand at my grave and cry. I am not here. I did not die.”

I don't look back as I slip through the cracked graveyard wall and walk away.

Goodbye, Bleak World.

(This is a little piece I'm working on, inspired by the Tim Burton Exhibition. Sometimes to get something out of your head, you need to write it down. It'll be interesting to see how it works out.

If you're wondering, I'm actually feeling pretty good today. Life is pretty perfect, except for the writing block. I'll talk to you guys soon.

Peace and blessings

Eric Rawlinson

20110318)

Chapter 6: Done!

Alright! Chapter 6's first draft is really finished this time. Excellent! I had to power through it and it came out pretty well. Now the editing of the book can happen in earnest!

Yeah, that's all I have to say. I got to finish a couple of other things now. I'll keep you guys posted.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110312

Uninspired

I'm not sure whether its a dip in depression after writing the first draft of my book, or not being able to come up with sixth chapter or just one of the many events or concerns that are on my mind, but I've got the block again. I haven't been able to think of things to write in my blog. I try to think of something. Maybe putting up a short story, but I don't know any I want to share right at the moment. Psycho Duck takes more time and energy than I would have hoped he would. And I always wonder 'what's the point' when I start doing something like My Writing Heroes. Still, I know it's the depression speaking during these times and not 'really' me. Doesn't change the fact that these times still happen and when they do, they suck. Still got to move on.

I'm thinking about selling some items that I own in order to get some money for self publishing.  I was thinking about printing out the books myself, but I couldn't figure out how that works.

I got to go for now. Something's weighing on my mind and I have to deal with it.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110311

A week without a blog post

It's been a week since I've posted in this blog and a lot has happened. Not much of it has been writing related. Chapter 6 of Grandma Hannah continues to kick my ass, no matter what way I look at it. I'm considering just cutting it out altogether and extending certain scenes in chapter 7 to compensate for it. I'm not sure what I'm trying to do with it, but I know it has to be important. We shall see.

A Glimpse through the Curtains has been going well, except a few people never got back to me. That's disheartening to say the least, but the feedback that I have received has been very useful. I'm thinking about how to use it and I might take a page out of my sister's boyfriend's book and make these stories into panphlets. It's cheaper than making a book and maybe I can squeeze in a few more illustrations from my friends. That still leaves the question of where I should sell it and who my audience is. I'm thinking my audience might be artists. They've seemed to be enjoying them the most without a lot of raised eyebrows. That too, we shall see.

I've been experimenting with ways to get myself motivated into writing. I bought a printer and a three hole punch. Now I'm left with paper flying everywhere and random binders making their way back and forth between my bed and my desk, depending on which one I'm using at the time. I also need to clean my room, but that's another story.

Trying to beat a bout of depression that's been hitting me hard and repeatedly while writing can be difficult, but I can't cripple under my depression with so much work needing to be done. This week, I'm looking into some volunteer oppurtunities that might include cheaper and healthier food. Fingers crossed. Hopefully it will include some experience, I'd love to look for a job. Self publishing and trips to Ottawa don't pay for themselves.

Hopefully the blog will be a little steadier now. I'll try to force myself to do my best. I'll keep you guys posted.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110308

Why I Don't Write When I'm Sick...

Okay, so I've said time and time again that I do not write while I'm sick. Well, I do, but I usually reject everything I write while I'm sick. When I'm sick I come up with ideas that I think, at the time, are these wonderful great ideas that need to be shared with everyone. Like this blog post explaining why I shouldn't write when I'm sick. See what I mean? Let me give you an example today.

Okay, while in a dehydrated, fever stupor I came up with this idea for a short story maybe novel. It's about a woman who meets a guy and they become intimate. However, during intimacy, she becomes psychically connected to this man so that during their intimacy, they become one conciousness. She knows everything about him and he knows everything about her. They become one. Afterwards, she lost and confused as to who she really is, him or her as she has both his memories and her memories. But it gets better/worse. It turns out that this power/occurance is actually a sexually transmitted disease and now she is a carrier. So every time she's intimate with someone, she gains their memories, hopes, fears, whatnot and vise versa and then they too get the same disease the same way.

Great idea, right?

That's a tame one. It was pretty intense when I thought about it, but I was having a fever dream at the time. It was just too surreal. I could feel myself in that scenario and it was driving me nuts. So I wrote down some of what I was feeling:

This is what our minds have been waiting for...

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I don't write while I'm sick.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110302

Grandma Hannah: One Week Later

Okay, so I've been sick for the last couple of days with flu/cold/something that makes everything in my body hurt and have a bad cough. Diagnoses are welcome but unnecessary. I've broken my rule about posting something at least every other day, but not the more important rule of never to write when I'm sick. I'm still sick, but I'm not here to rant about my body functions. I want to talk a little about my novel.

I've put all of the chapter first drafts into one document to give you these impressive statistics. Grandma Hannah, Fool Hannah is 49 pages long, single spaced with each chapters starting on a new page. The first draft is 19,851 words long. This unfortunately takes it out of the running for a Nanowrimo candidacy. *shrugs*. I expect that number to double by the time the fifth draft happens. The second draft is being done chapter by chapter as the old one was and I will probably continue to work on the book the same way until I'm comfortable with having it just as one long manuscript.

So there is an update. Its not much, but you deserve such. My headache tells me that writing is bad right now, so I'm going to sleep it off. I'll keep you posted.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110301

The Next Couple of Months

So, looking back on my goals as a writer list, I was short sighted. The thing I said I wasn't going to be able to do this year has been done. So much for foresight. Now I have a book, or at least the first draft of the book, written. Now its time to plan out how I'm going to spend the rest of the year.

I have a couple of plans that I want to do, but some of them cost money. Quite a bit of money. I want to publish my anthology into a book and possibly sell it. And I also want to do a bit of traveling. So I think what I need to do is get a part time job. Social assitance allows me to survive with food and shelter, but doesn't give me much extra.

Whether I like it or not, I'm going to need a new computer soon. This one is dying on me as it is and makes lovely noises. I'm thinking about getting a netbook or something small that I can just put on my desk and use for writing and maybe a few videos once and awhile. My computer game playing days are slowly going away, and with something like a notebook they might disappear altogether. I need a computer to write though. Writing by hand takes to long for me and I would never have written Grandma Hannah on paper.

Self publishing takes a bit of money as well, but I want to try it out for my short story collection. I've been looking at some printing places and it can be a little steep. But if I plan on selling them, I might make some of the money back. Its having the money first that might be a problem. So yet. job it might have to be. Starting to suffer for my art. Well, at least it will be an experience.

Keep you guys updated.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110225

Grandma Hannah, Fool Hannah: First Draft

Seven months ago, almost to the day, I began working on a short story called Caught in the Rain. It was a small modern fantasy tale about a young woman who has a tryst with two forest spirits after being betrayed by the man she loves. I've yet to complete the story, but it was my hope that it would become one of the Glimpse through the Curtains short stories. Then, on a whim, I started another short story. It was about the same woman, but years afterward, on her death bed, speaking to her granddaughter. What she told her granddaughter would begin the woman's own glimpse through the curtains. Then I thought to myself, hey, I could make this into a book. And that's exactly what I did.

I'm pleased and excited to announce that I have completed the first draft of my first book. Its working title is 'Grandma Hannah, Fool Hannah'. Its just under 20,000 words and currently it riddled with grammatical errors and plot holes you could drive a truck through. But it's a start. And I thought Forgiveness was good work for under six months from conception to first draft.

I can't say how proud I am for being able to do this. With this book, I've realized that I have the determination and the patience to undertake a book. I've written a book! The work has only begun, but the beginning is always important.

Thank you to my fans and my friends who cheered me on these last few weeks. Thank you so much.

I'm going to attempt to do a couple of drafts by myself before I start looking for editors, but I will certainly let you all know when I'm ready. And hopefully, it will be soon. As always, I'll keep you guys posted.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110223

Chapter 13 and 14: That was satisfying

Sometimes you got to power through it to just get it out of your head. Just under 2000 words between the two of them, these two chapters are either going to become one chapter or much longer. My money is on much longer. As with a lot of the chapters, I've practically wrote down the barebones of what I want to do, along with some of the dialogue and tone I want to go for. But for now, so glad that I don't have to obsess with those scenes anymore.

I'm wondering how lazy I should be and if I should just write the last three chapters and be done with the first draft. Wondering over, it is what I'm going to do. I had plans for another chapter, but I surprisingly covered much of what I wanted to do with that chapter already and I don't think I want to draw out the story any longer than I have to, especially at this point in the writing. If more emphasis is needed, then I might add the other chapter. If not... well, I have a headache, so we'll end the thoughts as it is.

So yeah, three more chapters. Not really looking forward to one, wrote the last one pretty much in my head, and the next one I have a shit load of notes, plus I added some more fire to my main characters anger that should display quite well in an upcoming confrontation. This should be cool.

Anyway, one of those chapters is half written as it is now. I'll keep you guys posted.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110222

Chapter 11 and 12: I'm sick

I've missed a day of writing. I took a break to go home and spend some time with family, especially my lovely sister who I love and miss so much.

I seriously don't know what's up with keyboards today. Is it something that's happened within the last three years since I bought my computer, because I can't find any keyboard recently that I've enjoyed working with as much as my own. I know it's a matter of getting used to the set up, how far apart the keys are, but I generally dislike using other people's keyboards. The flow isn't the same. With other keyboards I have to constantly look down to see why I'm hitting the caps lock or whatever new key they've designed to put in my way. I guess it can't be helped. My computer continually makes such lovely noises that makes me wonder just how much longer she is going to live. I think my next computer is going to me a small laptop, one that's going to be devoted to my writing. That way I can get used to its keyboard and not have to worry about putting my work onto others and fight with theirs.

Okay, angry rant over. I'm frightened that I'm losing the flow that I've gained over the week. I'm feeling sick and congested, I'm can't seem to find the right temperature to be at and I ache all over. I'm pretty sure I'm going to wake up to discover I have a cold. Yay, this is lovely, I'm being a complete baby. This isn't what I wanted when I said I want to suffer for my art. In fact, I didn't say I want to suffer for my art. Poopy. Blarge.

So, chapter 11 and 12. Chapter 11 is the shortest on record so far, just over 800 words. It's a mental breakdown scene and honestly I feel I should do more with it. So I will. Later. Chapter 12 is more of a reflective scene and I'll have to meditate on it. Generally, I feel it's missing something, a certain spark or realization. Unfortunately, if I move on from this, complete the book and come back to figure out the revelation is something completely different, I'm going to have to do major rewrites throughout the ending. Wait, at this point that could happen even in the first chapter.... why did I want to to be a writer again? Oh, that's right. I love it!

Seriously, if I could figure out how to get paid to do this and live comfortably, I would jump on this career in an instant. I really like writing. I like the flow and I like the feeling when you get a good story going. Of course, whenever I go out and have fun in the middle of writing, I'm probably going to bitch about how my flow has been severed, but that'll be temporary. I say that every time I stop to play Mass Effect for a couple of hours. Even doing that I was still able to write 12 chapters of this book in ten days. I'm pretty sure I'm just going to get up tomorrow and write the rest of chapter 13, a page done by the way, and then play more Mass Effect and then write chapter 14. And then 15, 16 and how many other chapters this book might have. Thinking about it now... probably this book is going to have about 15 to 18 chapters. So I might have a first draft by end of the week.

Anyway, congratulations if you read through all of my rant. I love you all! Update you soon.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110221

Chapter 10: The Fool Becomes The Wizard

Allusion to the story, see what I did there? Sometimes its a good idea to get away from the computer and write down ideas on a piece of paper. Even if it is concepts for a later chapter. I've pretty much solidified the final chapter in my mind, but I'm still a little ways off. Chapter 11 is still pretty much as much of a mystery to me as Chapter 10 has been, and I'm looking forward to it, but first a break.

Yeah, I have a huge headache, so I'm going to stop this update for now. I'll report more when Chapter 11 is finished.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110219

Chapter 9: Take a Break

Well, that was mostly painless. Its remarkable what pizza, taking my pills and a good night's sleep can accomplish.

Well, Chapter 9's first draft is finished, slightly larger than most but no where close to being the length of Chapter 7. Speaking about length, I've calculated that, being roughly an average of 1200 words a chapter, I'm just over my 10,000 word mark in my book. And, I'm guessing I'm two thirds of the way done in my book. Not exactly a NaNoWriMo candidate, but it is my book and it will run its own course. Besides, editing will add to it more than it will subtract as I rewrite and everything.

Also, I've been planning out my next book. Last night, while falling asleep, I've been writing up a working plot outline, trying to remember where I put my notes and figuring out some more dialogue for yet another book. It's probably a bad idea to be thinking about the next book before you finish the one you're working on, but if this continues, I might have two books first drafts by the summer. Of course, there are other things I want to do with my time, such as finish A Glimpse Through the Curtains and publish it into a book. But for now, I want to finish this book I'm currently working on.

Chapter 10 I have a couple of ideas for, but like Kirstin said, just write it. The story is up here somewhere, I just need to get it down somehow. I'm looking forward to some of the scenes that are coming up. At least those I have a plan for.

Anyway, I should get back to it. Thank you everyone and I'll keep you updated.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110219

Chapter 8: A Possible Wall

You know, I'm just setting myself up when I say 'Oh this part of the book is going to be easier to write than this part'. Chapter 8 was (I guess still is) a definite trial of my patience. A good story is like a puzzle. It has parts, which separately can be good on their own are made better when they're fuzzed together. A good first draft is like when you get all the edge pieces and put them together and see where you can work. Hmm, maybe that's not a good analogy. A good first draft is one that's written. Yeah that's better.

The one thing I can't stand is when I read a biography of a writer where everyone says, "Oh yes, they just wrote the story down and it was published with very little to no revision." This is something that's often said about Shakespeare and Rex Stout. Even if this were true, which I suspect it is, I still hate hearing it. I've never written anything, other than possibly some poetry, that has been amazing on its first draft. Sure, good, great and needs improvement to be awesome, but I never fool myself. The real work begins once the first draft is finished. A Good Thing, 12 page short story, took 3 years to finish from concept to finished product. Truthfully, if I had worked solidly on the story, it would have been done in maybe four or six days, but truthfully A Good Thing needed that 3 years to become what it was. It grew with my experience and my understanding and it will continue to help me grow in my style and how I see myself as a writer. And that's what I'm hoping this book will help me accomplish as well. Sure I want to write a story, sure I want to tell a story, sure I want to publish it and make millions. But I know in my heart that the reason I'm writing this story is to prove that I can write a book. That I can write a story from beginning to end that will make people laugh, cry and think. That is my goal. And that is why I write.

So now, despite my conflicted feelings about Chapter 8, I'm going to write a Chapter 9 without any real plan as to where it's going. I've discovered that I don't have a Chapter 9 or a Chapter 10. Short sighted, yes, but if start writing down ideas with the opening, I might get somewhere. A whole chapter of reflection and TV watching... Hey, that might be a good idea!

Anyway, time to get a pizza or something to eat then back to work. Keep you posted.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110218

P.S. Thank you Kirstin for your advice. It just helped write two chapters!

Chapter 7: Holy Crap!

I appear to have a pacing issue, seeing as Chapter 7's first draft is bigger than the first three chapters combined! Oh well, nothing to really worry about. I expected that parts of this book would be easier to write than others and Chapter 7 and maybe 8 are probably going to be the easiest to write. As I go on to later chapters, I find I'm getting the hang of writing as well, and everything doesn't feel so forced, unless I feel bored with a certain section, then it feels nothing but forced.

There are a lot of reasons besides that that allow Chapter 7 to be so long. One of them is that this chapter is where I introduce the twist in the story. Not really a surprise twist, but a twist for the main character. It's also the part of the book I have the most notes for. Seeing as it is one of the most important parts of the book, this isn't a surprise either. Also, this chapter might even become longer thanks to a little device I'm using. The main character is going to be reading a book and sections of the book are going to be present in the text. The book that the main character reads is in fact parts of a book that I was going to write but lost interest in it. Recycling old material is great!

Okay, I'm cheating, but its a good cheat and it works well for the book itself. Besides, if this book gets popular I could finish that book and publish it as well, right? Sigh... You're right.

Chapter 8 is going to be easy as well I think, but for a completely different reason. Chapter 8 is the one I've conceptualize most recently. It's actually a fairly new addition and I'm literally wondering why I never thought of doing this before. It just makes so much sense. It emphasizes what happens in Chapter 7 and maybe even a little bit in chapter 2, and I want the character to break herself. Oops, I revealed something of the book. The main character is a female woman. Roberts rules of writing state that you shouldn't reveal to much of your book, cause the more you talk about it, the less likely you'll write it. At this point, I don't have to much to worry about. About five or six of my closest friends know the plot, most of you being my followers, and one of you has a couple of chapters. But not to jinx it at this point, I'll try to be mysterious as possible. I get a kick out of it...

Anyway, chapter 8 will probably be written tomorrow or later tonight, depending on how I feel. Right now, I'm hungry. So, until later.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110217

Chapter 6: Ugh...

I've been trying to write chapter 6 and it has just been a complete disaster. Well, not complete, but you know what I mean. I've decided to do something that I said I wouldn't do but I'll have to do it for the sake of my own sanity. I've decided to skip writing chapter 6 and move on to chapter 7. Chapter 7 is practically written in my head and I think the flow will be much smoother, especially with my moods as it is.

It's sad really. As I was saying to a friend last night, Chapter 6 contains a scene that is one of the foundations of the whole book, one of the concepts that actually created the story now and now it's not coming out right. Its funny how the story can evolve away from it original intentions and take meaning you could never even imagine before writing it. It truly is a journey. A journey I want to skip chapter 6 of, but a journey nonetheless.

Of course, as soon as I start writing chapter 7, I start validating some of the things I hate in chapter 6, which means I have to work with what I have more than I hoped. Go figure. Talk more about that when chapter 7 is finished.

Until then.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110217

Chapter 5: Overcoming the block

So, to start off, I had this really cool idea that seems to be working well. I've been trying hard not to go back to the earlier chapters and work on them while I'm on this, let's face it, impressive stream of writing, moving forward, not backwards. But what if I come up with an idea for an earlier chapter? How do I do that without editing and reworking. Simple. Make a notes page for individual chapters and write down notes in those files as things come to me. That way, I can even move notes from my other note files into where I want them to be specifically in the story without having to sift through a lot of notes looking for something awesome I've written earlier. I'm such a genius.

Now that I'm done being nervous, had a bit of a block today while writing the fifth chapter, but I'm over it now. It gets hard to write when depressed, and I think one of the things I should seriously do is stop calling the book crap. Even if it is and just call it what it really is. A start. This is the beginning of a journey for me as much as it is a journey for my characters. We're both experiencing this journey together. And we shall get to the end better for having traveled it.

Chapter 6? I hope to get that done soon. And I'm sure I can talk more, but I don't want to ramble to long. I just want to shout out to my friend Etienne who's helped a lot with his friendship and encouragement. Thanks bro. And for the rest of you, thanks for your support as well. Hopefully this book will be done soon...ish and I will be able to share it with all of you.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110215

Chapter 4: Loose

Remember when I said that I've passed writing the hardest part. Well, I was wrong. Very wrong. In fact, I can only see this book getting harder to write from here on out. Welcome to the point where what I've written, what I'm writing and my six months worth of notes crash into a heap and I have to sift through the wreckage.

Okay, so it's not as bad as it sounds. I'm still able to write my story but already I'm having continuity issues. I'm promising myself that I'm not going to go back until I've finished at least a working draft of this book from beginning to end. I have to do this or I'll never stay sane enough to finish. But changes have to be allowed, even on a moment's notice so that the story can make more sense to write. I learned a while ago that sometimes the smallest problems can halt your project and they have to be altered in order for you to continue.

I'm not happy with Chapter 4. Not at all. It's very very loose. But as I've been saying, frame work. It's all that this book is going to end up being by the end of the first draft. Literally a page of this chapter is nothing but dialogue with no connection between them. No he said she said they said. Just "I like dogs" "Why do you like dogs" "I don't know, let me ask my manager". No, that's not dialogue from the book, just an example. But it's that sort of thing.

Chapter five I'm looking forward to a little bit more, since I have that scene almost completely written, at least planned out in notes and in my brain. That I don't have to much of a problem with. Chapter 6 is not so planned, but at least nothing too too darasticly mind blowing is going to happen. For the life of me, I have no godly idea what's going to happen in chapter 7, but I have a theory. Chapter 8 and beyond, I'm playing by ear. I know I have some notes on what might happen, okay will happen, I just need to figure out the glue.

So overall, it's stressful, and I'm not happy, but I am very excited about this whole project. I'll keep you guys posted after each chapter I write like this, talking about my struggles and my thoughts. Hopefully a new update will be soon.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110214

Chapter 2 and 3: I'm in the zone

So last night and this morning, I powered through Chapter 2 and 3 of my book. And in the end, I have two made for the dumpster chapters. This is excellent. I should probably stop using garbage metaphors, since it might be discouraging. What's better? Frame work? Armatures. Got to make a skeleton before you can attach the muscle.

Mostly the story consists of the dialogue and some random thoughts of the main character as she speaks in first person. This was how I wanted the story to be told and now, I'm not so sure. It has it's limitations, mainly making the story disjointed and at this point incredibly short. But it does make for a good first draft and motivation to actually write this fucker-I mean masterpiece. I've been working on it for about six months and in two days I finally get the third chapter done and out of the way.

This is one of the hardest parts, mainly cause the first three chapters are the part of the story I didn't even have concepts for. I had random lines of dialogue and strangely conflicting notes, which are always discouraging. But now, I'm just going to have conflicting chapters! *cries* Overall, I'm proud of my accomplishments. I've got and outline, I've written three chapters and I'm about to start chapter 4, if I don't go to work on A Glimpse through the Curtains edits.

Anyway, that's my thoughts so far. I'll keep you guys you guys up to date with progress.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110213

Chapter 1: Discouragment

So, I've finished the a very very rough first chapter of my book. Not much sustenance on it at all, mostly dialogue which is how I roll to begin with. But I look at this as an accomplishment. Now I have a wired frame for the rest of the story, a head if you will. It needs work, but that is to be expected. Write for the trash, my mentor said. It doesn't matter what your first draft looks like, eighty percent of it will not exist when the final comes. It's true. I've been looking over the early drafts of Song for a Muse recently and I've found myself looking at a stranger. It was weird.

But the book is coming along slowly and hopefully I'll be able to write more once the headache goes away. I'll keep you guys updated.

Best wishes. Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110212

In The Air Tonight

I sit at my desk, breathing in the energy of a lonely evening. I've accomplished so much today, yet I see the path grow longer still. I listen to the music that tears at my soul as it has so many times before and to the new ones that threaten to do the same for all eternity.

Can we pretend that the airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? Cause I can use a wish right now. It's crawling through my skin, this feeling in the air tonight.

The blinking cursor hangs just above the body of the screen. Page 2/3. A job well done. A skeleton of a story with its organs strewn across the floor. It's missing some of its parts, they're in my head and my heart. And hopefully in my future. Relax, it's a metaphor.

It's night and soon I shall be in bed. But for now, I'm writing a blog, with a smile on my face and youtube in another tab, playing the random music that I've selected. I bounce to its beat and randomly write whatever pops in my head. God that bumble bee is big, I wonder what it's number is? See what I mean? It's a good day.

Why am I like this? I promised I wouldn't do anything like this. I would not go on tangents and pour my soul onto a page to let everyone see. Well right now, fuck it. Besides, I'm enjoying this.

Anyway, to make a little bit of sense, I've been writing and editing. Trying to get a little something done quickly. I feel if I get it done quickly, it'll be done and I can get it out of the way. I still have a half finished plot outline, but I could fill it in a little bit more with some of the concept dialogue that I've been doing. I'm also writing the first chapter so I can get the main character's voice in. I'm trying something I've never really tried before; first person, present tense. I'm trying to make it as loose as possible like stream of conscious sort of thing. I'm doing this for a couple of reasons. I want to show the character's development as gradual and subtle and because I'm lazy and I just want to write down the thoughts as quickly as possible :P.

But overall, I'm kind of optimistic with this project. We shall see how it goes. Thank you for putting up with this loose blog post, but I felt inspired.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110210

Plot Outline

I think it's time for a novel, or to at least seriously pursue the novel. And now that I have an idea as to how I want to do it, I think its time to stop beating around the bush and find out if this is the right way to go about it.

So the way that I usually write is to create a series of notes, store them in separate files under the working titles name, number it and forget it. Like my novel My Red Eyed Girl, my notes are under files called 'Red Eyed Girl Concepts 001' and so on. Usually this doesn't help and I have list upon list of concept pages for all kinds of novels, most of which I'll never get around to, at least in the foreseeable future. So I'm going to approach the new novel a little differently with a plot outline.

A friend of mine suggested it last night, though a little indirectly. She asked me if I wrote everything down before hand and worked from there or let it flow. I guess I sort of wrote down when I was inspired but never actually got the chance to get around to putting the inspirations together. So I thought hey, why not make a rough draft about a page long summarizing everything that I want to happen in the book first and then write it out. That way I could write the individual scenes, which is basically what the book is, little interconnecting themes, then put them all together, then edit them out for tone and flow later. Then I'd have the book I desperately want to write. So simple, why didn't I think about it before?

So that's what I'm doing and already I can see where my troubles with this book is. While I've thought about it a lot, it isn't finished. I don't have enough scenes or character development yet to connect the rising action to the climax and as is, my character's development is incomplete. But I'll work on that. If I can have this concept page done, I'll feel like I've accomplished much.

I'll give you updates as to how this is working out for me as I go along, but so far this has helped out a lot and I recommend it to anyone who wants to write their book. But for now, I'm off to write. Talk to you soon.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110209

Feedback

So I've been passing around my short stories to some people who said they were interested and slowly I've been getting feedback. It has been very exciting to see what others might think of my work. And for the most part, the feedback/editing process has been going well and all of the feedback has been very positive. Strangely though, I find that the overall themes of the stories urks people.

I guess that's the point, seeing as at the base of it that's what I was trying to do. I'm trying to show a situation where an ordinary person experience an extra-ordinary event and how it can affect them. And also, I've been showing how a person can reject the opportunities those events can give. I'm trying to break the trend of hero novels so I might be stepping on metaphorical toes as to how we expect a story to progress. Still, it's still a bit of a surprise. I've actually had people argue with me about how my characters should act. And argue with me they should I say because on the most part, I agree with them. My characters are closed minded, are cowards, are mindless and will react accordingly.

I remember the first time I explained one of my story ideas with someone. It was with my cousin, and I told her about a story with a man and a vampire. The man asks a vampire to kill him because he is sick of life. The vampire agrees, but only if the human performs a task for her. Through the task, the human realizes that life is worth living and that he doesn't want to die. And just as the vampire goes to kill, he wakes up. He's not dead, but it was not a dream as the vampire left him a token of her appreciation. My cousin was like, but that's not fair. He should have been made a vampire and try to fight for his humanity. It was quite the experience and one that has been repeated often since with many other critics of mine. The story shouldn't stop their. The characters should fight, they should continue, they should do this, they should do that, they shouldn't ignore what happened. They shouldn't misinterpret the lesson. They should behave like a proper hero.

And what do I say? Yes. They should. But they don't. What do you think about that? How does that make you feel?

Hopefully I'll get more feedback and maybe get an idea about who my greater audience shall be. Until then, this is exciting.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110207

What a week

I know I want this blog to be about writing and not my personal problems, but I've discovered that one can greatly effect the other. And while I won't go too deeply into what's been bothering me, because that would be long and boring and have me come across as a complainer. But I will talk about how I've felt this week.

As some of you might know, I have been diagnosed with Bipolar-Depression. It means I have lengths in which I feel depressed and days where I can feel manic or overstimulated. I've been controlling this with medication and mindfulness exercises. And for a while, I've been getting better. But when a relapse hits you hard, it makes everything so much worse. You KNOW you're depressed and you KNOW you're being manic. You know you're behavior is not good and it feels like you're inside a cage, trying to behave properly but not knowing how cause you forgot everything. It sucks the big one through a tiny straw.

So now I feel a lot better about myself and how I think today, but I still worry about what I'm going to do when that happens again? Where do I go? Who can I turn to? What will I write in those days? I've been editing for sure and started some projects this week, but I'd write a page and give up. It sucked. But I'm getting better now. I can feel it.

So now I have to make promises again. I got to start small by getting some of the things out of the way. Exercise sounds like a good one. I can do that. And yoga. Stop the relapses from coming back. I think that's what I'm going to do.

Thank you to everyone who's helped me so far and good luck.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110205

Writing, sickness and depression

I've always had a big rule. Never write when I'm depressed or sick. Despite this rule, I always, ALWAYS break it. I just love writing that much, but honestly I don't like what I write when I'm depressed.

So I'm depressed for the fourth day in a row, so yay. But I promised to write in here every other day. And since I didn't write then, I'll write now, because the chances of me not writing in the blog ever again if I don't is actually pretty high. It's how it works.

I'm not sure how many times I've started writing this blog post about this subject. About being in a rut and being depressed and not being able to write. Probably a dozen times. Some of the times I've tried to be analytical, sometimes I'm just complaining, and now it seems I'm just stating it. I'm in a rut, I'm depressed and I'm not sure if I'm able to write. Well, that's not completely true. I've been writing as I always have been, and I write down little notes, but that's nothing new or exciting.

But I will tell you something that is. I'm starting to get my work together for publication! Hooray! I wrote seven short stories last year, making it a grand total of eight short stories all together. I've been giving them around to people to read and hopefully edit and criticize. Hooray!

And so that's all I have today. I've written in my blog, now it's time to eat and sleep.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110202

My First Rejection

So, I have received my first rejection as a writer. I had posted a short story for a contest, the Broken Pencil's Indie Writers Death Match. I had a short story kicking around that fit the very vague criteria and decided to enter it on a whim. I polished it up and sent it off with twenty dollars into the abyss. And a month later, I get a form letter without my name on it, telling me I was rejected. I feel loved and appreciated. I really do.

In seriousness, I was expecting rejection over this one. To be honest, I should have looked over the criteria more for this contest and, more importantly, the past winners. The past winners of this contest and my writing style greatly clash, especially in themes. I was most assuredly, probably not going to win. Still, rejection hurts. Oh well.

I look at it this way. I have a polished short story in my arsenal now, I have a rejection under my belt and more than three people who said they've liked my work. I have fans who adore me, I have critics who support me and I have editors who wish I took more English in high school but generally like my work. I'm kidding, I love you guys.

Also, I get to publish Monster of the Toy House in my anthology A Glimpse Through The Curtains now without having to worry about legal rights. Glimpse Through The Curtains? We'll talk more about that later.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110130

Psycho Duck's Journal: Part 6

(In his continuing adventures, Psycho Duck takes some time to contemplate his situation. Enjoy!

Peace and blessings

Eric Rawlinson

20110128)

My Writing Heroes: Jason Steele

You know, it occurred to me that I could fill all of My Writing Heroes blog posts with novelists and other famous writers, with writers like Alan Moore, Neil Gaiman, Douglas Adams and Bruce Coville. And more than likely, I will write about these writers and probably many more. But a thought has crossed my mind. Many of these writers are already well known and their praises have been sung in ways more elequent than I could ever put them. Not to say that makes me not want to write about them. But I wonder how many good writers I know are not so well sung as someone who might have a novel series or an award beside them. And my next hero falls under that line. I want to talk to you about the wonderful style of Jason Steele, YouTube's Secretagentbob, creator of Charlie the Unicorn.

I discovered FilmCow the same way that most people in the world discovered him, through Charlie the Unicorn, a short animated piece about a disgruntled unicorn, harassed by two other nonsense spewing unicorns who lead him on a journey of misery that ends in... well even more misery. The video is random and funny, but more importantly, it was catchy and quite quotable. "Candy Mountain, Charlie!" "Oh man, they took my friggin' kidney". I enjoyed it immensely. So much so that I decided to check out more of their work. I was not disappointed.

Jason Steele and company has made dozens of videos, from short skits to short animations, on a variety of subjects, but they all have some things in common. They're all over the top, they're all incredibly silly and they're all very, very catchy. And that's what I think I enjoy most of all. Some of them (okay, many of them) require a morbid sense of humor to appretiate, something I thankfully have. Violence, blood and death are common amongst their videos, but so is their witty banter mixed with brilliant comedic timing. And that's something I can truly appretiate.

When someone can write something that sticks with you, long after you've read it, it means a bond has created between the viewer and the creation. Steele has created work that is catchy, lovable and wonderful that has lasted me for a very long time and he and his production company have made themselves a fan of their antics. Cause after all, we all need a good laugh once and a while. Especially one worth remembering.

Look for secretagentbob on youtube or FilmCow on the net for Steele's work. I recommend Charlie the Unicorn for starters and for the more morbid out there, the Cloak is excellent.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110126

A Killer In Paradise

(The following contains coarse language and mature subject matter. Enjoy!)

Paradise is no place for a killer. Not because they don't deserve peace, comfort and salvation. It's because they would have nothing to do. And this place is paradise, and Rhino is a killer.

Night Writing Theatre: Ark and Psycho Duck

(George Carlin once said, "These are the kinds of things I think about when I'm home alone and the power goes out." Well, here's the type of thing I write when I wake up at 2 o'clock in the morning and everything I write is a brilliant idea. Enjoy!

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110123)

My Writing Heroes: Robert A. Heinlein

Before we start, I just want to say that I don't know anything about Robert A. Heinlein. I don't know who he is, where he's from, what nationality he is or how old he is/was. The first time I've seen him was a few seconds ago during a Google search to make sure I spelt his name right. And quite honestly, none of the information from before really matters to me. All I do know is that what I've read of Heinlein's work, which is about five books, maybe more, is that I think he's a genius.

I remember my first Heinlein book. Remember the first three pages off my heart, if I sat down and thought about it. The Moon is a Harsh Mistress is one of my favorite books and in my top ten of all time. It's a story about a man who lives on the moon, who's best friends with the central computer that runs the entire colony. Through his friends, he inadvertently gets tied up into a revolution to take down the dictatorship. It's a little hard for me to summarize, but what really struck me about this story was the voice. Heinlein is a master of something I want to master myself. Voice in the first person. 

Through Manuel, the main character, he's not only created a voice and the tone, but the slang of a whole new world, as fluidly as though I were a tourist listening to the locals. It was even more beautiful by the fact that the first time I heard this story, it was on an audiobook and the performer was so fluid and relax, that it struck me in my very soul. Being used to only narratives that used usual words or first persons who were proper and stagnent, it was so fresh and exciting. And I still get that rush, even after so many read throughs. Even sitting here writing about it, I'm tempted to start reading it once again, and I have to remind myself I'm already reading three other books scattered through my apartment.



But many of Heinlein's novels got me the same way, and I'm amazed by their variety in characters and tones, each with their own little voices and challenges that make each of the books I've read so interesting. Which reminds me, with my new outlook on religion and spirituality, I might take another look at Stranger in a Strange Land. Maybe I'll have to make four books after all.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110122

Making a YouTube account

So, here's something I've been considering for much longer than I've been considering making a blog: making a YouTube channel, making videos, and posting them there. I've made one before, but that sort of faded away, mostly due to evil people stalking it to hurt my feelings, but also because I became conflicted over what I should be putting on it.


Of course, I worry away as to whether or not I should start making videos. What would I do? What would I say? How would I find my audience? Will I be liked or hated? To me, YouTube is a lot like vaudville of the old days, where anyone who could fit the bill could perform. Of course, the requirements today are just a camera, an internet connection and the ability to click a mouse, but the principle is still the same. Everyone has an act, whether it's good or bad and everyone wants to perform. It has its stars and it has its special attractions and it has performers who just won't quit and will change their act a hundred times just to stay on stage. Hmm, does that mean Fred is like today's Al Jolson? *shudders*


So, of course I have a couple of video ideas and a couple of videos already made up, but there is still the lingering doubt. What am I doing? What do I bring that's new? Who would want to listen to me? And I remind myself my friends like to listen to me, like to read what I have to say. Why not me perform? I can go as the spirit moves me and I willl see as I go. We live in the days of new media, where information spreads like wild fire and even the smallest of the smallest voices can be heard from across the globe. How can I not take advantage of that to spread my word to the world? And so I shall.


Now.... where can I find a camera?


Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110121

My Writing Heroes: George Burns

 

Since we share a birthday, I think it's only appropriate that our next candidate for my writing heroes be one of my heroes in more than just his writing. I want to talk about, and mostly praise, the late George Burns, who, if alive today, would still be in show business and probably have his own YouTube channel.

Unlike Robert Munch, I can claim to know George Burns fairly well. Mainly cause I've read so many of his biographies and memoirs, but also because I've heard many of his radio broadcasts, seen a couple of episodes and seen a few of his films. He is a wonderful performer, but he is also a wonderful writer who's books I enjoy and would recommend to anyone who is interested in show business or just listening to a good story in general.

George Burns was a performer in almost every medium. He performed in vaudeville, radio, film and television. He

But what I wanted to talk about was his books. George Burns wrote several books. "Not bad for someone who's only read three" as he would say and puff his cigar. I've read many autobiographies over the years and I've seen them pulled off in many ways. Some people talk as though their just telling you the story. Groucho Marx wrote his as though he were performing. The way that George Burns writes feels like he's telling the story from the heart. Reading the book made me feel like I was right there, listening to him telling his old stories.

My personal favorite is Gracie: A Love Story. It's the story about the love of his life, Gracie Allen, his wife and partner for many, many years. He talked about their career together, their life together, the family and friends they shared and all of the good times. What I loved was that I could feel everything. The excitement he felt when he first met her, the rush of falling in love with her, the struggle in their careers and, overall, I felt in my heart just how lucky he must have felt his entire life to have known that wonderful woman.

Not sure what else to say. Happy Birthday George. Here's to your inspiration and may it last me and many others all of our days.

Peace and blessings

Eric Rawlinson

20110120

My Writing Heroes: Robert Munch

What do you do when you have trouble coming up with new things to write about? Why, you make a series and you write installments for it over time. And that's what I'm doing here. Welcome to My Writing Heroes. This is where I'll talk about the authors, writers, story tellers and general influences on my style, my passion and my life in general and I think I'm going to start big by talking about one of my first and greatest heroes, Robet Munch.

I have to be honest when I say I've never been much of a reader. I know it's a bad trait for a writer, but reading is something I've always found slow and maybe just a little bit hard. Not to say I hate stories. I LOVE stories. Just reading them is something I've always found difficult and in my experience, not the best way I learn. I'm an auditory learner, which means I learn best when I hear something, or it's spoken to me. So, naturally, my favorite way to learn a story is to listen to it.

When I was younger, the library had so many books on tapes, read by one person or by a cast ensemble. I must have went through the entire children's section of library and all of the Star Wars audiobooks growing up. But my absolute favorites were not the ones where it was someone reading the pages of a script. I loved the ones where it was someone telling the story off by heart. These stories were always so magical and thoughtful. Some of my favorites included Native Americans telling their legends and another by a woman who told such poetic Celtic stories. But one of the best were the stores by the writer Robert Munch.

Those unfamiliar with the name Robert Munch may be more familiar with his most famous work 'The Paperbag Princess', the story of a Princess who went to rescue her prince from a fire-breathing dragon, wearing only a paperbag since the rest of her clothing was destroyed. His works are very creative, random yet structured and tell such wonderful stories and more often than not teach valuable lessons. My favorites of his work include The Mud Puddle, Blackberry Subway Jam and Thomas' Snowsuit.

I don't know to much about the man personally, but I wanted to relate how inspiring he was as a child. I owned one cassette of his performances. Robert Munch would perform in front of a crowd of children, and without a book, he would tell a story. Maybe it was a one he had wrote before, maybe it was one that he just made up as he went along. But all the while, he did the voices, he did the sound effects and he spoke with such animation and energy, you could almost see him in front of you, performing these wonderful stories. My favorites were the ones that were yet to be his books. He would perform these stories off the top of his head and he knew exactly how to keep the audience not only entertained but involved with the process. He didn't just want their involvement. The story was made for them to scream "NOOOO!" or "ROOAAR!" or for them all to laugh at loud at all of the funny things he would do. And sometimes, after he was done, he would ask, "Should I make that into a book?" And of course, the audience would always answer, "Yes!"

I didn't know it then, but everytime I listen to that tape, I knew more and more, that I wanted to be just like him one day.

The tape, sadly, has been played into oblivion, but the stories live on in my head. The man, with his infinite energy, has inspired me to this day to be a writer and a storyteller. Thank you sir. Because of you, I have found my passion. You have given me a gift and I will not let it go to waste.

Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110119

The Vampire in my Bedroom

As the portal glistens
My body weakens
For it is a vampire
Connected to a wire
I sit and stare
Beginning to glare
My brain slows
As the thing glows

And when it all comes to an end
I tell myself never again... again

Psycho Duck's Journal: Part 5

Log 9

The deed's been done. With a little help from me, or rather a LOT of help from me, Snow White has been revived. And with a little convincing, Snow White has left with the PRINCE.

The dwarfs seem satisfied, and were happy to see the story over. The phone buzzed and informed me that the story had a happily ever after. Snow White's fate is now out of my hands. But not her phone number. Time to look for another story to straighten. Psycho Duck, signing off.

Addendum. So the Big Bad Wolf has been listening to my logs and asked why I was so vague in this log, and when I told him exactly what happened, he said it was too funny not to record. Stupid sidekicks. Alright...

Psycho Duck's Journal: Part 4

(For lack of a better post, here's more adventures of the Psycho Duck in Fairy Tale Land. Enjoy!


Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110114)

Log 6

Disaster's struck. Snow White is dead.

Seeds of Chaos

(This is a short story that was going to be the first in a series. I have written concepts for many of the stories, but never got around to actually writing any of them. It's partially based on Dungeons and Dragons, but its good enough to stand on its own in its own universe.

The character of Marielle Williem Red-Tiger is my sister's, Tigera2000. The gnome Jenny, Princess of Chaos is mine.

Summary: Two bored wizards play a game of destruction at an open aired resturant. The following tale contains mature subject matter. Reader's discretion is advised

Enjoy
Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20100112)

Kingmaker: The Path of Destiny Chapter 6 exert

(Here is a little taste of my 'Neverwinter Nights: Kingmaker' fan fiction written over two years ago, and tweaked a few times since then. This is a scene that's pretty much self explanitory. It involves the druid nymph Kaidala and my original character the ranger gnoll Steve. For those who don't know, gnolls are creatures who look like hyenas walking upright. But it'll give you a sense of my writing style, at least what it used to be like two years ago.

Disclaimer: I do not own Neverwinter Nights, Kingmaker or any of its characters. By publishing this work, I'm not making any money what-so-ever. Please don't sue. The story is my work however, and so is Steve, so no stealing.

Been a while, hope that's leagally binding.

Content warning: The following story might not be safe for work. Enjoy!

Eric Rawlinson

20110110)