I know I want this blog to be about writing and not my personal problems, but I've discovered that one can greatly effect the other. And while I won't go too deeply into what's been bothering me, because that would be long and boring and have me come across as a complainer. But I will talk about how I've felt this week.
As some of you might know, I have been diagnosed with Bipolar-Depression. It means I have lengths in which I feel depressed and days where I can feel manic or overstimulated. I've been controlling this with medication and mindfulness exercises. And for a while, I've been getting better. But when a relapse hits you hard, it makes everything so much worse. You KNOW you're depressed and you KNOW you're being manic. You know you're behavior is not good and it feels like you're inside a cage, trying to behave properly but not knowing how cause you forgot everything. It sucks the big one through a tiny straw.
So now I feel a lot better about myself and how I think today, but I still worry about what I'm going to do when that happens again? Where do I go? Who can I turn to? What will I write in those days? I've been editing for sure and started some projects this week, but I'd write a page and give up. It sucked. But I'm getting better now. I can feel it.
So now I have to make promises again. I got to start small by getting some of the things out of the way. Exercise sounds like a good one. I can do that. And yoga. Stop the relapses from coming back. I think that's what I'm going to do.
Thank you to everyone who's helped me so far and good luck.
Peace and blessings
Eric Rawlinson
20110205
What kind of mindful exercises do you do? I find that kind of stuff so fascinating! And how much power/ effect does it really have? And do you ever kind yourself getting better at it? And does it get worse when you don't do it???? This is your cousin Erin btw.
ReplyDeleteHello cousin Erin. I just do basic mindfulness exercises mostly. Breathing, meditation, concentration. The first thing I did was train myself to breath whenever I think "breath". I take a long breath in through my nose and out. It helps to clear my mind and focus on my body and the now. Another thing I did was recognize what triggers my negative energy and moods. Like how I noticed caffeine makes me anxious so I've stopped drinking all caffeinated beverages altogether. It's helped my moods immensely. Also to recognize my negative behaviour like sleeping in the middle of the day or playing video games for hours on end. These behaviours don't help me at all, so I must reduce them or cut them out of my life.
ReplyDeleteAnother mindful exercise I do is to recognize the signs, when the universe is trying to point me in a certain direction. For example, I've been feeling I've lost my way this past week and I write an article about how I'm mindful. Then you write a comment, asking me these questions. You are being inquisitive, but it's also reminds me that I have to be mindful myself and the best way to become mindful again is to be able to answer the questions myself. So I spent this afternoon trying to answer the questions, realizing that I'm rediscovering the answers for myself as well. It's also a good mindful exercise to remember to be gracious for the gifts we've received. Thank you Erin for helping me on my path again.
How much power does it have? Mindfulness is the greatest power I've ever known. It's unlocked so much potential for change in my life. With it I achieved what I thought was impossible. Silence. Complete silence of the mind. No thought, nothing running through my head for a whole hour. I could talk, I could understand, I felt at one with the universe. For one glorious hour everything made sense. Besides that, I've found my mood is so much better and I can recognize when I'm depressed or anxious and I can work on making myself better.
And yeah, I've noticed I can do better at it, the more I train and the more I experience. Does it get worse when I don't? Yes definitely. It does get worse. Much worse. Relapse into the darkness worse. It's quite an experience. I've discovered so much with it.
Thank you again Erin. I hope I've answered your question.
You can always come to me. I know what your going through, well I think I do, as I've been relapsing myself lately. It's not fun, its scary, and I truly hate it.
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